being brought up in a christian family, i believe the said syndrome should not affect me that much as a christian family should be filled with overflowing love, whether the love of God or family members. songs like ‘God loves you’ – with lyrics that says whether you have blue or brown eyes – no matter how different you are from others, God still loves you. yes, the Bible says that God is love. however, when it comes to parental love, i feel that i am the least appreciated. being in my teenage rebellious years, i guess the symptoms are more obvious lately. i crave attention, which explains the non-stop change of hairstyles in the recent years, opting for a trendier look which made me chop my long tresses a year ago. i talk a lot..when im not listened to, i sulk and the cold treatment starts. i always use the silent treatment even though i know its a step that is not advisable.

anyways, it started getting to a higher level when i feel that i no longer belong to yp. i tend to compare with my sister, be it studies, social network, or any other thing. every time a surprise birthday part was organized, i feel bitter in the heart. i mean, why are there double standards? at first it was fun and happy to participate in the event, but when they did it for my sister and did not do it for me (my brother was still in sunday school) i felt really really unnoticed. my sister started working part time before me, so she seldom attend yp, but they always asked me where she was and remembered her birthday. it was thoughtful of them to celebrate her birthday. but after a year passed and the second year, i really felt the favoritism when they asked me what-kind-of-cake-she-likes and what-time-can-they-come sort of questions. slowly, but surely, i became less active and spend less time together with them, eat lunch with my mother instead on sundays and i decided to work during the 2 months break last year. i wanted to work has nothing to do with the church of course. its a personal thing. however i wanted to work during sundays gives me some sort of excuse for not attending yp. yes, i followed my sisters footsteps of working and not attending yp, hoping that they would notice my absence in their midst.

maybe it has nothing to do with middle child syndrome. maybe its just that i dont know how to socialize well enough. maybe thats why i followed my sister’s footstep. now that she left church completely, i seriously hope that i will not follow that decision of hers. and hopefully i’ll overcome this syndrome.

Lord, teach me to let go.

but it was quite tiring this time, even though i only work for a few days. maybe its because we have to be there by 930 am, compared to 10 am last time. however, one thing that has never change is there are still some customers that humor me (and a few others). in a way, its kinda exciting to meet different kind of people and i believe that these experiences of meeting people will be an added advantage for my future.

for example, i served an arabian lady with 2 children, she bough quite a number of necklaces and a few other things. i was quite happy because to me it was an achievement. the things she bought amounted up to 130 ringgit, one of the highest amount for the month at the stall ‘next g’. but it shocked me and those working that day when she put her hand into her clothes around her armpit. after a few moments, she took it out and in her hand was a few 50 ringgit notes! nobody really dared to take her money, so i had to be the one since she was my customer. another worker there joked about keeping her money at the same place to avoid being robbed, and maybe she will get stuffs she want for free if cashiers dont dare to accept her cash.

yet another arabian lady with a son came looking around, and then a few malay ladies. while looking around, they talked to each other (they were strangers to each other before coming to our stall) because their sons sat at the same moving machine (where u put money and it starts to move) beside our stall. they got to know each other and before long they talked like they’ve been old friends, taking picture together.

many arabians left a deep impression towards me. while working last year, i encountered an arabian family when working in ‘girls’. they bought like nobody’s business (it wasnt a bad thing though, im on commission), a number of the same set of clothes for both their daughters, same accessories, and a few trolley bags which amounted to 4000+. i was so happy as that was my highest sales closed throughout my 2 months working. i personally like serving arabians as they are not to choosy like some of the kiasu chinese (which i suspect they’re singaporeans) and very generous.

tomorrow is my last day working during this holidays, so i hope that it will be another day for me to remember even though i honestly cant wait for tomorrow to end. too tiring lah. i believe my next time working will be after spm while waiting for results to be out. but definitely not the same place la. till then i will try my best to concentrate on studies. hopefully…..

the tents were already pitched when i reached school at 630 on friday. i started looking for adeline, and we got a 2 men tent (there was barely enough leg space even though we’re short). after dinner which consist of rice with beans and chicken (everyone complained), we started with our opening ceremony. after breaking to respective groups, an ambulance came to our school, and the officer in charged explained to us on the method of carrying and positioning a patient to the ambulance. we called it a night at 12.30 midnight but some made noises, irritating those who wanted to sleep.

next morning, we started our day with ‘aerobic exercises’ before taking our breakfast. our first aid course took place after our breakfast lasting until 3 with breaks in between. then we practiced bandaging and transporting each other according to what we learnt. after the demo on CPR, we continued our schedule with games. first it was a game of flour then we had a game with water. i was given the duty of taking pictures and guarding people’s valuables. but the real game of chase started when the planned game was close to finishing. the guys – yung shen, vikram, song yang, cheng yik and kim lee – and adeline decided to cover me in flour because they think i was too clean.

after cleaning ourselves, we had our late dinner, and most of the campers dressed to impress (others wore normal t-shirt and pants) because we were to have a disco night. we were given glow-in-the-dark sticks and music were on full blast. however, the dance only lasted for half hour because the officers had to brief us about tomorrow’s CPR exam. the campers were unhappy about their short lived fun resulting in a fight not long after. for the few of us who werent fans of dancing, we couldnt care less the dance was called to an end before the scheduled time. it was lights off at 1, and we had a good night’s rest compared to the day before despite the hot weather.

next morning, we took our CPR exam and worried about the results during lunch time. after packing, we cleared the place and get ready for the arrival of some big shot officers. after they arrived we had our closing ceremony which ended at 5pm.

all in all, i really enjoyed the camp and learnt a lot about first aid. even though there some unsatisfactory area, im thankful to the committee who put in much effort to organize this camp. i also got to know a few juniors and improve my relationship with those i already know during the camp.

however, yesterday was a memorable and meaningful day (compared to election) of someone i know.

i attended the wedding service of a church member, adeline chin n her now husband, yu jin yesterday afternoon at life chapel. earlier on, my mum was worried that we would arrive later than the bride because of the jam on the way there. but ended up we weren’t later.

anyways, when we reached, everyone was dressed to celebrate this special day for yu jin and adeline, however we are related to either.

the bride arrived quite on time, absolutely gorgeous with a strapless white gown and a little trail at the back. the bride’s maid, her sister amy chin was pretty in a purple satin dress too. in the bride walked, down the aisle, with her dad, smiling sweetly. then the bride’s hand was given to yu jin at the front. the emcee announced to the crowd that the groom had tears of joy in his eyes during that brief process.

after the solemnisation, amy dedicated and sang it for her sister. by the time the song ended, a handful of emotional audience were in tears. then yu jin gave a surprise to his wife, playing the piano while singing. touching is the only word to describe.

to cut the story short, we had a photography session according to groups of relation to the couple, MGC being the biggest group present. this led me thinking, even though our church is small in number, we are very supportive of each other. its a sad thing the couple will be attending life chapel.

yesterday, MGC lost yet another member (many left to further studies recently) and a pianist, but God brought 2 people to become 1.

yup, she left us for auckland today — where the ratio of sheep to humans is 20 : 1 yesterday– to further her studies. i guess she’ll be on her way right now. during the party, we didnt really have enough time (in my opinion) because we spent some time arranging the tables so that it would fit 12 people. so by the time we started its 230. besides, some had to be back by 4 for tuition and other reasons. but all in all we had quite some fun

students of 5 e

debera.adeline.shu en

 debera’s ‘children’

 agnes.wey yin.debera.sheh ling.sze ling
have fun in nz, debera

fortunately the pot didnt blow, no explosions, nothing big happened. thank god i came back before anything serious occured, thank god that home before and went to sleep w/out checking (i dont usually take lunch, so i dont frequent the kitchen in the afternoon), thank god for everything.

turn to me and be saved, …. because I am God, and there is no other.

isaiah 45 : 22

whenever tests are over i feel a sense of emptiness (sort of la). i dont know what to do with my time since studying right after papers is considered very sou heng. but hanging out burns a hole in all our pockets..we’re students after all…

sometimes i wonder whats the point of studying so hard for something that doesnt even last 2 hours. we spend days, for some its weeks and months ( depends how hardworking we are la) for a paper that the marks are not even recorded, let alone contribute a fraction to the end term exam (its government school). why force ourselves to cramp 10 whole textbooks into our head when we can be out enjoying the nature that God created for us?

but then again, kiasu-ness, or our responsibility as students (whichever) we still try to cramp our brains with as many textbooks as we can, as long as we ‘did our best’, its a number we earned with our own effort, be it recorded or not..of course, those who have appointments in the toilet during papers doesnt count ;p